Paradoxicon

Paradoxicon

The Northwestern College philosophy department once went on a binge of devising self-referential statements. Once thought lost (or kidnapped) the departmental “paradoxicon” has been recovered, for good or ill. Most entries are original, a few stolen. Some refer to persons mercifully unknown beyond the confines of NWC. Additions are welcome.

All Cretans are liars. A Cretan himself told me so. St. Paul, Titus 1:12

This statement is false.

If this statement had been written by Jared it would say something else.

This statement wishes it were about Sam.

This statement hopes that Dietrik wrote it.

This statement is incomplete.

This statement is about something else.

This sentence is about all the sentences which are not about themselves.

This is not a statement.

Is this a question?

This statement is about the one below it.

This sentence is about the one above it.

This statement does not refer to the history department.

This statement refers to everything not referred to by any other statement.

This statement refers to all things it is impossible to refer to.

This statement refers to nothing, not even itself.

This statement wrote itself.

This statement thinks it’s Steve Isaac.

This statement is in German.

This statement contains one misspelling.

Nofing in this statement is spelled incorrectly.

This statement is true if evaluated prior to January 1, 2010 and otherwise false.

This statement means something else.

Ths sttmnt wshs t hd mr vwls.

This statement won’t be written until tomorrow.

This statement thinks the statement below it one of its words.

This statement is special since it’s the only one here that is perfectly ordinary.

This sentence contains a paradox so subtle no one can find it.

This statement is pretending to be somewhere else.

If this statement had been written by an historian it would make more sense.

This statement has nothing to say.

This sentence is true in all possible worlds or 1 + 1 = 2.

This statement has something to say, but it’s about something else.

This sentence is written in green ink.

Their are three misteaks in this sentence

“This sentence doesn’t know the difference between use and mention.”

This sentence has the power to make you think about Randy Law.

This sentence loves the sensuous feel of Mike Kugler’s eyes running over it.

This sentence would be true if “false” meant true and “true” meant false.

This sentence isn’t over yet, but now it is.

This sentence is now over, well, not really.

This sentence contains over a million words, but most of them are somewhere else.

Writing this one was a complete waste of time.

This sentence hopes you understand it.

This sentence is hoping no one notices the ridiculous spelling error it contains.

You’d be better off if you stopped reading this sentence now.

This sentence thinks it was divinely inspired.

If Mike Andres had written this sentence it would be inerrant.

If this sentence were a picture, it would have been drawn by Escher.

If this sentence had been written by C.S. Lewis it would be admired, revered, reprinted endlessly and marketed worldwide.

This statement cannot be translated into English.

How would you translate this into French?

If material conditionals made sense, then this statement would be false.

This statement wants to be true.

This statement used to be true but now it’s false.

This statement is so smart that not even Dr. Wacome gets it.

This sentence was especially translated into Canadian so Jared can read it.

If this sentence were a nematode Ralph would erase it.

Caution: this sentence is looking for a way to replicate itself.

Caution: this sentence is looking for a way to replicate itself.

Caution: this sentence is looking for a way to replicate itself.

If you think this sentence is bad, you should have seen the first draft!

If just one counterfactual statement were true, this would be it.

This sentence deserved to be a Beacon “Quote of the Week,” but it wasn’t, so it’s sulking.

This sentence is not a product of Intelligent Design.

This sentence does not deserve to be in the Paradoxicon, but it bribed Dr. Wacome.

#1: Sentence #2 is true.

#2: Sentence #1 is false

This sentence contains four words.

This sentence contains five words words words words words.

If this sentence had been completed, then

Like any properly punctuated statement, this ends with a period

The “this” in this sentence is something better not mentioned.

.siht ekil ti gnidaer eb d`uoy ,werbeH ni erew ecnetnes siht fI

If Zeno had written this sentence it wouldn’t be here yet.

This sentence is a mutation of one originally written by Sara Tolsma.

This sentence is a 5th century textual variant of one written by John Brogan.

This sentence is worried that you’ll misunderstand it.

This sentence has a phobia about being erased.

Do you read me?

This sentence would rather die than be translated into Dutch.

This is a sentence Richard Rorty’s peers would never let him get away with.

This sentence is written in invisible ink.

This sentence thinks it says something else.

I am not a sentence.

This sentence is pretending to be true.

You’re so vain, you probably think this sentence is about you.

This sentence is ashamed of its blatant self-contradiction…well, no actually it isn’t.

Ignore all those other sentences; I’m the only one that knows what it’s talking about.

This sentence isn’t interesting but at least it’s true.

You may quote me.

I’m a lie.

This sentence doesn’t mean what it says.

No one understands me.

Please ignore this sentence.

You’re not reading me very well, are you?

“This sentence is being read” is true when it’s being read but false otherwise.

“This sentence is not being read” is false when it’s being read but true otherwise.

Some statements are true, but this isn’t one of them.

Some statements are false, and this is one of them.

Why am I not a question?

A square circle seen on edge: ________________________________

This sentence ought not to be allowed to talk about itself.

A minister, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I might be a typo."

Thank you for reading me!

Bonus

Two Tom Swifties of mine that made it into The Atlantic magazine:

"Give me some of your Halloween candy," his older brother trickily entreated.

"Dr. Livingstone, I presume that's my helmet!" Stanley pithily said.